Nocturnal Nemesis

“When life itself seems lunatic, who  knows where madness lies? Perhaps to be too practical is madness.” 
Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes 

It was dawn. We sat outside with our morning coffee listening to the birds. Relaxed, we breathed in the refreshing morning air, a rare moment during an Israeli summer. 

And then I heard a sound. It was a rustling. Not a delicate bird in the twigs kind of rustling; rather, an enormous shuffling. Sushi heard it too and ran into the front yard barking. 

It was the infamous Mr. Porcupine, our nocturnal nemesis. He has wreaked havoc in our garden for three years. Over time he has proven to be a sweet potato chugger, passionfruit decapitator, pumpkin gobbler, tomato slurper, hole digger, iron fence chewer, and spear-throwing beast. 

He had just finished his culinary buffet in the vegetable garden and was looking for a way out of our organic eaterie. And finally, on this very morning, we stood face to quill. 

We put down our coffees and charged, modern day Dox Quixotes out to do battle with a wild giant. It was time to take up the lance and protect our territory. 

“Wish I’d taken those archery lessons,” Amir said, always dreaming of conquering this enemy in a chivalrous battle. 

But today, the enemy took us by surprise. Instead we grabbed broom handles and started to chase our own spiked windmill. 

Sushi was our Rocinante, devoted companion to the knight errant, Don Amir Quixote.  Guess that makes me Sancho Panza. 

The wild giant took off, Sushi too close to those long-hooked quills (the very quills that once pierced Sushi’s throat in a past  encounter of this ongoing battle). 

When the beast ran under a small house on the property, Amir decided to upgrade his weapon to a power washer, asking me, Sancho Panza, to guard the castle. We locked Sushi inside and I nervously guarded the periphery until Amir returned. 

“Thou hast seen nothing yet”

(Don Quixote)

Don Amir plugged in the water weapon and blasted it like cannon fire, but no beast appeared. 

“Ok Rocinante, your turn,” I said, letting Sushi out. He immediately ran to the very back of the property, unearthing our wild, spiny giant, chasing him right towards us. 

I screamed and jumped and looked at the calm knight errant for a plan. 

“Open all the gates,” Don Amir instructed. 

I ran to open the three gates, the porcupine ran after Sushi, Don Amir ran after the two of them and I screamed again. 

Our knight errant soon stood face to face with the wicked intruder ready to do battle. If Don Amir had a lance, he would surely have used it. 

Unfazed, the porcupine advanced. I, the local squire, screamed, Rocinante took chase and the porcupine simply exited down the driveway, rustling quills and all, walking down the road into the sunrise. 

“The giant has left. Close the gates,” Don Amir ordered the humble and ineffective Sancho Panza.

And with that part of the battle won, our day began. 

“Now look, your grace,” said Sancho, “what you see over there aren’t giants, but windmills, and what seems to be arms are just their sails, that go around in the wind and turn the millstone.”

“Obviously,” replied Don Quijote, “you don’t know much about adventures.”

Don Quixote